i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
