omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
