you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
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