Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Bring me that man meat
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
