I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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