If that was your dad, he is hot
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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