Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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