I am midnight drunk by noon
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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