We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
