Define "chronic" masturbator.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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