Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
