I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I forget how to act sober
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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