where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
