i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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