Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
