redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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