I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
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and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
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you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.