Tell her she can't have a vagina
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
These Are 21 Of The Most Delusional People Ever
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday