just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
