drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
