Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I supernannyed him into submission
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize