i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
