GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
