I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
