she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
