i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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