So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
