tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
