so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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