question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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