Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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