He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
