Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
