tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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