She is in my trunk
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Randomize
