toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
