Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
home. puking in laundry basket.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
