so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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