ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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