Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I wish you could order shots online.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
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