PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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