I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
how does that bad decision feel?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
