look no pants
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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