I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
