I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
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