I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
