her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
