That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
