Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I checked into jail on foursquare
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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