Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
