I wish my penis had an off switch
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
We got so high we made milksteak
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
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I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
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I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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