At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
