just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
