He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
