just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
