Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize