I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
