Where did you get a picture of my penis
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Randomize
