I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
