She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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