Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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