i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
