im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
