She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
