He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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