I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
