i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
