My Higher Power is John Stamos
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
