So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
