remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
