I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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