bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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