Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
