As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
