He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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