You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
