You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
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We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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