Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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