also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
