Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
