Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
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she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
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