i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize