i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
